Vulnerability Exercise

Vulnerability is hard. Sharing parts of ourselves that leave us feeling exposed and susceptible to hurt is not to be taken lightly. Identifying areas of vulnerability to consider how we want to respond if things come up can relieve some of the pressure.

Print This out as a ROYI Sheet. Invest in yourself and make commitments. 

Write about this for one area of vulnerability in your life. Repeat the process for other issues when you’re ready.

What is one issue you want to work with that makes you feel vulnerable.

Example:

• Being adopted.
  

What are some ways this comes up for you?

Example:

• When friends have babies or get pregnant, being around families with loving parents, when people talk about wanting children, seeing mothers and babies/children display affection.
  

What happens? How does it affect you?

Example:

• I usually just try to fade into the background - don’t make eye contact, stay quiet and try not to cry.
  

How would you like to respond when this comes up?

Example:

• I want to be happy for them instead of sad for me.
  

What can you say to yourself that would honor your feelings/experience and soothe you?

Example:

• This reminds me that my mother was not able to raise me, which makes me sad. But, I can manage these feelings without missing out on this experience. Being happy for them doesn’t discount my grief. This is a time to be here for my friend.
  

What would you like to say to others at these times to both acknowledge your feelings/experience (without oversharing) and allow you to join with them?

Example:

• It can be difficult for me in these situations because I was adopted. I am glad for you and the baby that you can be a family. Thanks for including me in your celebration.
  

How do you want to address questions about this if someone asks? Do not over-explain. Be brief and direct.

Example:

• This is a sensitive topic for me. I don’t feel comfortable talking about it now. (or) I don’t really like to talk about that. Can we talk about something else?
  

How can you take care of yourself after the fact?

Example:

• If needed, call my support person to talk about how I handled it and what that was like. Ask for support if I need it. (or) Write about it in my journal.